Not that I really believe in these things, but sometimes when you chance to read them, they just strike a nerve.
The headache is at the temples and doesn’t appear to be going anywhere soon, so I guess I’d better break down and take something for it. The more I try NOT to think about it, the more it hurts, so-o-o…
It never fails that just when I think I’ve got it figured out, life throws me a curve. I’ve tried to do things the right way, follow the rules, as it were. Work hard, treat people the way I’d want to be treated, take responsibility for my mistakes, be truthful and trustworthy, raise my children to do the same. There are times when I’d like to change things about my life and past but then I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
I’ve made mistakes, LOTS of them, and hopefully I’ve learned from the majority of them. But, I just can’t understand the psyche of people who don’t even try! You think you know someone; you spend a good portion of your adult life with them; you REALLY think you know them–but in the end, it’s always about them.
I’ve cried more than my share over this person and always end up with a huge headache and question mark over WHY? Why can’t they be more responsible? Why can’t they tell the truth? Why can’t they “man up” (for lack of a better phrase) and try harder to do the right thing? Why is it always up to me to be the adult? All these questions and so many more and never a definitive answer. Because there will never be, as long as people who NEED to be answering them, ignore and brush them aside.
If it’s not there, it can’t hurt me. If I don’t see it, it isn’t happening. If I don’t answer it, I won’t know the truth, therefore I won’t have to deal with it. If you don’t tell me, I’m not aware, therefore not responsible. Only those things which directly impact my day to day living are important to me, everything else is effluvia. The definition of a narcissist–according to Dictionary.com—‘”
Therein lies the problem with me–I’ve always had a tendency to think the best of a person even when I know them, their history, their past, their foibles and weaknesses. This is why it’s always so hurtful and painful to me when they continue on with their own agenda, AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!! Keeping the lines of communication open and trying to be the bigger, better person just doesn’t work. They don’t care about you, they just want what they want.
When you express anger, rage, resentment, hurt and cry a couple gallons of tears, they are completely unmoved. Because they DON’T CARE! If it were happening to them, they’d be the first ones to cry and whine and carry on, but when they’re on the giving end of the pain, it somehow never occurs to them that they’re doing the exact same thing.
Here’s my horoscope for the day—‘”You keep revisiting an intense emotional issue today, turning it over and over in your mind while trying to resolve it. You might choose to remain silent, since you believe that others can intuitively know what you want now, without you saying a word. Unfortunately, suppressing your desires only sets you farther back from your goals. It’s wiser to put your feelings out in the open just to clear the air and move forward from there. No one can blame you for telling the truth.”‘
How prophetic is that?
I’m putting this out there in the hope that it’s a cleansing of sorts, putting my feelings out there in order to clear the air. Now I think I can get on with my day.
Oh, and the headache? Thankfully, almost all gone.